deep ruminations of the weird yet witted

The end...(?)

2007-09-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

This is to be my end,
This is to be my end,
Towards the sky my head ascend,
These wounds my heart can never amend.
-
I've put everything but myself,
Now I'm stuck in my own shelf,
When even all health and wealth,
Cannot cure the wrath upon myself.
-
I heeded not the words of Him,
Live, I shall in this shame,
For I know, it'll not be the same;
For I know, all I have, or not, is just a dream.
-
Now my tears flow with no end,
And the heart bleeds with no end
Is this to be my end...
Is this to be my end?
-
*Found this somewhere in my room...hahah.!

Words

2007-09-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how words are used

For detailed, awe-inspiring descriptions

Or words of heartfelt appreciation

What more, worst still

When it is used

To deceive

With a face hard as stone, sculpted and etched

Yet within those words were

Words of confession of love and admiration

Words

How limited they are

And how superficially rigid they can be.

Society

2007-09-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

It was a cold night

Everything

Was planned for tomorrow

Nonetheless,

It screwed up.

She sat on the bed

Looking up at him

She said:

You're wearing a mask

Tell the truth.

He walks away

And closes the door on her

Why do women

Always have to have their way?

She seethed with hatred

He stomped with anger

She was being difficult

He was being headstrong

Neither wants to compromise.

There they remained

All night long

She wanted to keep strong

He wanted to keep his ego

They both thought each other

Selfish

That night

Relationship was broken

The seed of distance

Of hatred

Was sown

They both remained

Where they were

On the bed

In the hall

They both lost out

And was defeated by life.

Untitled

2007-08-09T22:04:00.000+08:00

Down a silent path I walk

Where all else refuse to venture

As the breeze of wind feel stronger

I hear ripples of water behind me

Was there someone behind me?

Was there someone all along?

I turned away from my destination

And there, I see a clear vision

Stood in shock and pure fear

Never would I stay here.

Never have nature seen

Such lowly a fiend.

Chill

2007-08-07T13:08:00.000+08:00

The chill from the wind blowing
Is all that I feel
On my face

Right to the core of my bones

All surrounding me
Is a vacuum
The bleak voidness
Which reflects
My heart
My emotions
My feelings.

And I stand alone

On this despicable mountain

Is the sun alone

Enough to light up

The entire universe?

Desert

2007-05-21T09:45:00.000+08:00

I stand
In the middle
Of nowhere
Of vastness.
I'm in a desert

It feels
Like I'm being deserted.
Left alone
Under the scorching sun
That sears my skin.

My eyes
Can't see clearly
My throat feels
As dry as the desert

Can someone
Give me a cup of water?

The Fire that Flames

2007-05-21T09:21:00.000+08:00

There is a small fire
Here in my heart
That gives me life
That makes me vibrant

A fire
May be hope
May be anger
May be passion
May be perseverance

Beware
Of which type of fire
You flame

Winter and A Tree

2007-05-13T16:15:00.000+08:00

It is the time of the year
when the snow falls
and covers the ground of the earth
Isn't it beautiful?
But it is cold
can someone help me?

A tree stands alone in the middle of the road
the shadow of the tree is its only companion
The tree does not mind
For there is freedom
That is why it stood ahead
Of the other trees
In the nearby forest

But the tree looks on
to the road
where there are tyre marks
That shows the complicated routes of life
On the endless road that lies ahead

Can this tree continue with this freedom?
Or be hacked by a lumberjack?

Deja Vu

2007-05-12T16:31:00.000+08:00

Staunch in my silence
i refused to impose on you
the truth of my realization
for fear it would hurt you
words that i cannot say
scream on the inside
shatters the hourglass
dismantling with time
history has since reminded me
that repetition despises pain
and the only way to relent
is letting it go
spare me from another ride
'cause even fighters need a break
if there is too much at stake
i'd rather give it up and walk away
as for all these strenous moments of deja vu
i'm gladly giving them back to you.....

Freedom

2007-05-11T17:42:00.000+08:00

Freedom,
It's not
how you are able
to move about freely;
There's more to it.
It's being able
to make your own choices

Choices in life
choices in friends
choices in career
choices in way of life

Freedom
does not come easily
one has to fight for it
but it does not help
when there's a big obstacle
which involves emotions

Freedom
I once had a taste of it
Only to be robbed of it
Now

How am I to redeem my freedom?

Stranger To Familiarity

2007-04-23T18:32:00.000+08:00

Memories flutter in through the window
Perch a while on flapping curtains
And teasingly play along the pane
Then fly to the portrait
That fragile wooden frame
And is firmly embedded
In the history of smiling faces

Slipping through the
fingers of familiarity
I see you looking back at me
Your eyes; I can’t bear to
In truth I once knew you
But now, who are you?

Tears flow forth
From a well once dry
Fumbling, I no longer know
This stranger I’m reaching for
Walking down this road
Headlights glare in the distance
Sound of screeching brakes
I stand and stare
Recklessness in the face
Only to find myself
Staring back at you
As the night whispers softly
And streetlights black out….

The Beggar

2007-04-12T10:42:00.000+08:00

Lying on the street
Watching Life pass him by
Crippled by Social Confinement
Guarded by Negligence
Baked in glaring Heat

Pleading with soulful eyes
Bound by a loss of Light
Holding out a trembling hand
A lamentation of Mercy me
A sorrowful history of Poverty
Carved in his wrinkled palm
A predetermined course
Like a curse of inheritance
Binding; breaking
Fleeing through the pages of Time
And leaving a streak of tears
In each dying generation

One bowl of living
Porcelain; breakable
The way his frame felt
The way his bones were

A young boy looks on
The way the coins shone
Eager and fast
Snatches the bowl away
His breath stifled
Life void of meaning
Attacked by a pang of Conscience
Rebuking; reprimanding
Ashamed of stealing from his own
Trots back in the heat
Places the bowl at his feet
Those soulful eyes look up
Brimming tears of Gratitude
Echoes of Thankfulness
resounding within the four walls
of heart-wrenching silence.

Lessons for Playing with Fire

2007-03-23T09:24:00.000+08:00

There is a pool of blood
on the ground
What happened?
Why did that organism die?
Was the scene of the death
Of that once living being
Gory?

There are scorched marks
On the lifeless anatomy
Which left a mutilation
That cannot be erased
There is no hope
Of new skin springing forth
To heal that wound

The lifeless form
Lay there pathetically
Rigid
The posture is
The confirmation of
Regrets

Glee spread through my whole being
For the retaliation
The justice I obtained
Is more than I can hope for
For when that creature tried to feed on me
That same fiend got burned

So, give me a reason
Why should I pity
That sucking leech?
That endeavoured to suck
The life out of me?

The Angel That Never Was

2007-03-22T22:48:00.000+08:00

Adopting yet another façade
A composition of garbage
Thinks everybody’s wrong
And screams this screeching song
Eliciting reluctant sympathy
Wailing constantly oh woe is me

Accommodating nonsense
is anything but obligation
Backstabbing is something
not anyone should condone
Don’t think nobody knows
The chaos you create in the dark
The stories you whisper at the back

The angel that never was
The halo that never shone
The wings that never flew
They all describe YOU.

The Crushed Fly

2007-03-21T23:14:00.000+08:00

There's a crushed fly
lying helplessly on the floor
I wonder what happened?
Who squashed it?

Could it have died of shock?
Of unbelief?
Of a broken heart?
Did it commit suicide?
Or was it crushed?
By an ogre-like foot?

What were its last thoughts before it died?
Was there any regret?
Any remorse?
Or did it cry out for some loved one?

All I know is
that fly deserves to be crushed
for it was when it was still living
IRRITATING!!

p/s: the inspiration is from a crushed fly near my dressing table...

Ice Cube Meltdown

2007-03-21T19:23:00.000+08:00

The way your eyes
Shoot arrows of fire
That burst into flames
And devour your victim
That poor thing

Window to your soul
Kaleidoscope of the inside
Streaks of colour
vulgar and wide
Of boiling hatred and pride

Stop pulling that trigger
Stop playing with dynamite
Self-defence is not pretty
If you’re sane enough
You wouldn’t try it with me

Why insist to intrude
when extreme visualization is rude
Even an ice cube would melt
under your stare
Dehydration from heatstroke
The day the dam breaks
Nothing's gonna happen for your sake
So cut away your killer phase
And just look somewhere else!

The Search

2007-03-20T21:45:00.000+08:00

Mind racing
Hands shaking
Adrenaline pumping
Blood rushing
Vision blurring
Heart thumping

Dashing across the street
I continue to search
For something, anything
to ease the queasiness within me
And at the same time
to run away...
But, from what?

Hysterically
I searched
High and low
Only to search on in vain
In doubt

Mind racing
Hands shaking
Adrenaline pumping
Blood rushing
Vision blurring
Heart thumping

There's something behind of me
Following me
Haunting me
I turn and dodge
Still, I can't run away from it

And then, there!
the dark, black thing
that... the silhouette of me!
mocking me
Why, no! No! It can't be!
It's that same dark shadow of my past!

And there's no escaping...

Passions & Reality

2007-03-20T20:53:00.000+08:00

Soaked in emotions I write

Overwhelmed by passions

Like a flame burst out afresh

Like rain falling so gracefully

Maybe it is something new

Maybe not.

Maybe it is only my fantasy

Maybe not.

The world calls me a fool

But they are nothing

but a tool

Of mankind's enemy

And as I sit here and wait

Longing for it to come

The echoes of angels

That will never come

Fantasy? Myth? Foolishness?

I don't know

I'm searching as well

What is it

That haunts these pages

Still........Forgetting

2007-03-20T20:44:00.000+08:00

in the midst of everything
sorry for forgetting
that silence could mean
it was always meant to be
a crown of thorns slicing
a shackle of chains rattling
you were listening
when the heart beat
for misery
in desperation
falling to her knees
you were listening
begging for release
to only grant peace
as she breathed a prayer
crumpled in tears
the way she feels
oh the struggle to be still……

Finding Faith. Again.

2007-03-19T22:50:00.001+08:00

Frantically searching

Where are You I ask, again

Why in darkness You seem to fade

Why in desperation You seem to hold back

Light of the world shining ever so bright

Yet all in all to me You're never in sight

Only You, whom my trust thrust-ed within

Within life, life. Within soul, a void filled

A gust of wind engulfed my surroundings

A wave of comfort over my soul

A beam of light over darkness

Vanish

P.S. - sorry for the hiatus, ha ha. Goin thru some phase, didn't wanna write for the sake of writing.

One

2007-03-15T20:23:00.000+08:00

One cracked mirror
Bleeding fingertips
tracing distorted reflection
The torn map of one’s strangled soul
A shattered heart
branching into hopeless routes
Healed again to be broken whole

Before the mirror…….

One forsaken painting
That once sang the song of art
On a blank piece of canvas
Splashed with strokes of grace
Till its beauty got ripped apart
The day the artist had a change of heart.

In the painting………..

One dying tree
Bowing rejected in the dusk
Casting a crying shadow on the ground
As the glare of the sunlight dimmed
Its falling leaves wilted; withered
The cursed frame that once prospered

Under that tree; me……

Everything WAS fine
Until you hoped to see
Our reflection in the mirror
That was NEVER meant to be

The Tree

2007-03-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

Gazing out of the window,
I peer into the darkness
and I wonder
what will it be like
if I were to be free?
as the birds in the sky?
as the wind?
that flies in myriads everywhere they go
that blows in every direction?

I wonder if I would remain
as stagnant as the tree
only to be watered by knowledge
and grow my roots
at the same spot
everyday?

Is Life as rigid as this?
is it this stagnant,
this mundane?
Can it be trampled on?
Just as we trample the grass?

Do we get to greet the sun
just as the sunflower does
every morning
without weary
without inferiority?

But all I see
is the vast darkness
ahead
but in this deep darkness
is a small twinkling star

Altar of Sacrifice

2007-03-13T17:35:00.001+08:00

Image marred by self-mutilation
Conscience of lies; disillusion
Sadism reversed, that explicit line
Waging psychological wars
A traumatized battlefield
One part whispers
Slowly take a step back
The other screams
Just jump off that cliff
Cause she’s not gonna care
If you crawl towards the altar
And fall on your knees there

Redemption has lost its definition
Salvation has been crucified
Hope has given up on persuasion
Decapitated is all you cry and whine

Despair descending into
a quagmire of terror
Mercy prays for a lower price
Watches you lose your head
Do I have to sacrifice myself
Retrieve your soul from the Darker Side
To see you resurrect to Light…..

Configuration 2.8.8.1

2007-03-10T13:33:00.000+08:00

Shades of black and white
Many grey dots immobilized
A grid of criss-cross lines
Swaying in swirling circles
No longer rotating
on a parallel hemisphere
A red light blinking urgently
Won’t somebody notice me?

Playing with numbers
Unsolvable brainteasers
Each wrong step
Another electric zap
Numerically inclined
That retrospective basis

I remembered the answer
A quarter of that fraction
One algebra equation
That one calculator
My database you erased
That day you……………
changed our configuration

I don't do the tongue thing

2007-03-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

There was a lizard sprawled across a floor
though small, her small black eyes were determined
her innocent eyes gazed about curiously
sharp as any predator's eyes

As if by luck an insect crossed its path
gleefully, the lizard gorged on it
in a swift and precise bite
determined by her victory
the lizard moved further front
with even more confidence
only to be squashed
by a swift oncoming broom

Construction Site

2007-03-08T18:48:00.000+08:00

But to build something
You have to destroy it
Tear the familiar down
Demolish it
Choke it out
Vomit

Let the wall cr um bl e
F
A
L
L
Into p i e c e s
Let the window br ea k
S h a t t e r
Into f r a g m e n t s
Let the door open
Slightly
Only to be shutforever

Lingering around
H/e/s/i/t/a/n/t, you wait
For something MORE
Lingering around
Silent, you w/o/n/d/e/r
About something NOT asked for
Hit by a brick
You bleed
Courtesy of
Life’s constructing trick.

Sea

2007-03-08T16:35:00.000+08:00

The sea was calm

faint shapes of birds flew towards the horizon

the water lapped silently

as if welcoming someone for a dip.

The soft winds slowly tousel

the leaves of the coconut trees

along the white sandy beach.

***

But that's not the end of the wind

the speed picked up slowly

to embrace it, it almost feels like bliss

turn away from it, and be pushed by it.

Not only did the trees shake more hysterically

the waves came in looming... looming

and all of a sudden, everything died down

as fast as it came, it went.

***

The wind can be felt no longer

but the once still sea roared once again thunderously

as if for revenge against the wind

the waves swallowed the white sandy beach.

***

In desperation, the ants on the beach tried to run

only to be consumed by it

and become part of it...

The Flower

2007-03-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

The clouds are grey
but somewhere in the sky
though naked eyes cannot comprehend how
the sun still shines
the earth is not completely grey

the ray of the sun still shone through the thickest of clouds
from His position in the heavens above
***
A little helpless insect
stranded in the once familiar garden
wander about aimlessly as to where to take shelter
or to continue her task which she has entrapped herself in
the routine that has been so familiar to her
and yet, still seems threatening
***
The insect searched herself deep within
but somehow, she finds that it is empty
all she knows is that she is being trapped
by something... that she cannot place
***
And then
in the middle of the garden
there stood a beautiful flower
none has laid eyes on

she was blinded... blinded...

something held back

but the power of the flower seduced her

***

A lightning illuminated the grey sky

its thunderous sound trumpeted danger

small droplets of rain began to fall

on the wide grey pavement

***

Yet

the little insect pursued on

the pathway narrowed on her;

squeezed every breath out of her

but the little creature

focused her eyes on one subject...

the flower

***

Although

all of heaven cried out:

'Stay away from the flower'

Unspoken, Unsaid

2007-03-07T22:03:00.001+08:00

Some secrets are best left unknown
Where the seed of mystery is left alone
For ignorance is bliss
And sometimes it is good to miss
But tear apart all those layers of pretense
The heart breaks of things left unsaid

When darkness slowly falls
And the night is breathing still
Dug out of the shaking grave
Waiting skeletons rise back to life
To torment the broken soul
Now tainted with sorrow

That night Gratification lurched in
Murdered Innocence made It scream
Had Its pleasure had Its fun
And dumped It there once done

A scarred existence she now lives
Where life is void of meaning
When she lost one she lost all
Stabbing her way through
She sees revenge rise and fall

Silent cries of the heart

2007-03-07T20:58:00.000+08:00

In the dark hands searched

In an emptiness never reached

In a void never touched

Somewhere a faint cry heard

Hoping tomorrow be a better day

Hoping the same every day

Grow up! that's what they all say

It's not a choice. That's what I say

Will someone turn on the lights?

Since when has there been an everlasting night?

Maybe,maybe, just maybe

An end to this will be in sight

Out of love he comes steps into the world

Out of hatred he walks out of the world

Out of grace his soul saved

Out of foolishness his soul again enslaved

Cursed be the one who brings wrath upon the world

Foolish be the one who brings wrath upon oneself

The Spider and the Fly

2007-03-07T20:01:00.001+08:00

Caughtinawebofsilk
Deceivingly intricate
Spinning around by thread
Battle of predator and prey
Suspended in mid-air
The spider and the fly

Caughtinawebofdeceit
Of scandals and controversies
Of differing ideologies
Supporting clashing morality
Life
Can be so con tra dic to ry
You
You…….
No?longer?know?what?to?believe
So
untangle yourself
Break free

from

Lies
Such a common word
With fatalistic
Consequences
Like the pen
Sharper than
a two-edged sword
which martyrs
its own writer
see the crimson blood drip
on pure white paper

Lies
Come in colour
You name it
They have it
Just place an order
Pacified by the backstabber
The recipient will suffer
Staining the whitewashed wall
And just when you thought…..
That lies were colour-free…….